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“What am I so worried about?” she said looking into the mirror, “This is the same Nick that I have known all my life, the same Nick that I love with all my heart.”
She threw her hair up into a messy bun and straitened out her pajamas and headed down the hall to his room. She knocked a few times on the door and waited for him to answer. It was late and she hoped that he wasn’t sleeping like the rest of the house. Suddenly she heard a click and saw the door open in front of her. She just stared up at the his beautiful blue eyes that were red from tears. He went to close the door on her but she held back.
“No...I want to talk, I want to fix this,” she said strongly.
He just looked at her with pain in his eyes. “Are you sure? Because I don’t want to be hurt again Kayla, I really don’t.”
“I’m sure,” she said softly, feeling awful that she had hurt him.
He let her in and then closed the door behind her, walking over and sitting with her on his bed.
“So how was home base, everyone good?” she asked, trying to break the ice.
“Yeah, everyone’s good. My mom wasn’t around because her and Aaron are in California because he’s recording, but my dad and sisters were around,” he said tonelessly.
“Cool, what did you and your dad do?” she asked a little more at ease.
“We talked about...things,” he said knowing she knew what he meant.
“Oh, what things?” she asked knowing the answer anyway.
“Kayla, what did you really come here for? I don’t feel like this chit chat right now,” he said with anger.
She sat silently for a few minutes, pulling her knees to her chest.
“I came here to apologize,” she said softly.
Their gazes met and they both saw mixed emotions reflecting from their eyes.
“I need to explain things to you. You deserve answers, I need to tell you things,” she began.
“Yeah I do,” he said urging her on.
She fiddled for a moment with her thoughts and then began.
“Nick...I, I had fears with this relationship,” she began.
“But you shouldn’t have,” he interrupted.
“No Nick, no, I should. Normal girls maybe shouldn’t, but I’m not a normal girl. Nick I didn’t come here expecting to fall in love and get in a relationship. I came here expecting to get shafted. I figured everyone would hate me and that would be it, but that’s not what happened. I found a man who fell in love with me, and wanted the world for me. He loved me so much that it scared me. I didn’t want to be involved with you at first because I didn’t want to burden you. But I realized that you didn’t care, you loved me too much. I loved you too much to care anymore, and I knew I had to give in with emotions, and I did, I fell in love with you, I’m still in love with you...” she trailed off.
He just looked at her, with a little sympathy in his eyes. He didn’t talk, not wanting to interrupt her, and not knowing what to say.
“Nick, that night...I blacked out. That’s why I wanted to go home, I was scared. I didn’t want to get you all scared though, so I just didn’t tell you. I blacked out because I was thinking too much, too worried. I was worried that maybe you wouldn’t care about me, and drop me like Aub. I was worried that maybe Aub would come back and then I would have to choose, and then I thought about how much I was going to change your life. And not all that change would be for the better. But I realize now that I shouldn’t have hid from you, I should have just told you to begin with. I know I should have, but you don’t understand how hard it is for me to tell you this right now, and explain how worried I was. But I have come to Nick, I’m telling you this now because I have finally realized what you have been telling me to realize all along,” she said now crying.
He just looked at her more deeply gazing into her honest eyes. He wiped away some of the tears on her face. She grabbed his hand and held onto it as she sniffled.
“Nick, it took you leaving for me to finally break down, and realize that...I....I can’t live life without you. I don’t care if I am messed up and if I may look like a slutty teen to some...I know you don’t see me as that. I love you so much Nick, so much. When you left I couldn’t handle it, I was so scared and...alone. I had to tell Brian everything just to spill my guts to someone because you weren’t around. Nick all those times that you tried to drag information out of me, I’m sorry I never complied. I am just so sorry Nick. I love you more than the world, I don’t ever want you to leave me, I don’t ever want to leave you. And now that I have told you everything I know that we can have an honest relationship, I know that we can finally be happy. You wanting to be with me and my...our baby is just...I don’t even have words to describe how important you are to me. Age bothered me at first too, but you and I are both going to be adults in four days. Well you already are, but I will be, and it will be time for me to live on my own. But I want to live on my own...with you. Do you forgive me Nick?” she asked looking up at his now tear stained face.
All he could do was grab her and hold her tight, pulling her face up for their most passionate kiss yet.
“Oh God baby, I forgive you. Don’t you ever leave me or not tell me things again, do you hear?” he smiled.
“Yes, I will never leave you,” she grinned as she fell into his arms and sighed happily.
They got into bed and laid together in each others arms for a little. She ran her hands through his hair, explaining everything the Gynecologist said to her, about the baby and pregnancy.
“So, since we have to go back on tour next month until like April are you going to come with me?” he asked holding her tighter.
“Yeah, I mean I’m going to be pretty far along in the pregnancy when we get back and while we’re on tour, but yes, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she smiled.
“Good, cause’ since your due in June and we will get back in late April we’ll have a break and then start recording again in like May or something. But in any case I will be with you, don’t you worry,” he said kissing her on the nose lightly.
“I would never worry,” she smiled, “No more worries for me.”
Back to Tulsa: A Love and Hate Story
Part 15