It was eight in the morning when I shot out of bed with a smile plastered on my face. I quickly ran to my stereo and blasted my Backstreet Boys CD as I jumped in the shower. I rushed as fast as I could to get out and ready, I had to see if everyone could go. I flew down the stairs brushing out my hair and ran through the kitchen.

“Breakfast?” my mom offered.

“I don’t want any Mom,” I said flying out the door.

“All right,” my mom said putting the plate down sighing. I walked fast to Lynn’s house and met up with them on Lynn’s front lawn.

“Well?” I asked crouching down trying to catch my breath.

“We can go!!” They both yelled.

“Yes!!” I yelled back as we all jumped up and down, “Let’s go see about the boys, but can we not run?” I laughed.

“Yeah,” they both smiled. We walked back up the road towards my house, to our surprise I saw the boys walking towards my door, “Hey over here!” I yelled. They all looked over and smiled.

“Can you, can you, can you?” Lynn asked.

“Of course! Our mom said the baby needed quite so it was a good idea. I ran up to Tay and hugged him tight. He let me go and grabbed my hands.

“I’m excited,” he said quietly.

“So am I, especially since you can go!” He just laughed. I heard a faint yelling and looked at the boys house to find Diana yelling.

“ZACKY!!” she yelled again. Zac blushed and yelled back, “What Mom?” She stepped out of the door and walked towards us.

“I just called Sharon and she is going to help me braid your hair. Since you are going skiing it is only best,” she smiled.

“Ahh, Mom,” Zac moaned, “Fine.” Lynn laughed, “Don’t worry Zac, I’ll come.” Diana just laughed, “Zachary don’t be so tough, now come on,” she said dragging them both to my front door.

* * * Walker had decided to take Mack and the others to the arcade so Liz offered to tag along. Diana had come home and gotten Zoe, while Isaac decided to stay home and rest up. He didn’t feel like doing anything that day, he had, had many long days before hand and in the future, he just wanted rest. Tay and sat in his room packing and I was with him to help...or at least watch.

“Can you just go in my closet and grab my snow boots?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied standing up, heading towards his closet. I rummaged through it for about three minutes until I finally found them. As I walked back I saw Tay grab a few long sleeve shirts from his drawer, as he pulled them out something thin and white fell to the floor. I walked over to see what it was, because as it fell it looked like a joint. As I picked it up I froze.

“Taylor Hanson!!” I yelled furiously.

“What?” he asked blankly standing up. As he walked over I smacked him upside his head.

“Maybe that will knock some sense into you!! You are such an idiot!” I yelled with tears welling up in my eyes.

“Bre, what the hell are you talking about?” he asked getting very annoyed. I shoved the joint in his face.

“Don’t act dumb! Or did you just have too much dope that now you can’t think strait. My boyfriend’s a junkie, just fuckin’ great!! What do you need to do? Get high every time you get on stage?! Is this why you always want to have sex?! Is this why...” Taylor burned up inside. Bre was really hurting him with all the things she was saying, he knew none of it was true. He grabbed my arms hard and I got scared. He was hurting me and I didn’t like it. He threw me down on his bed and looked at me with his red face.

“What? So know the dope is making you hurt me!” I yelled crying. He held me down. Ike was in the doorway. That was his. That is what his friends had given him. They told him it would make him feel better, he took it but never used it. He saw me crying, he saw Tay hurting me. It was all his fault, it was all him, he was scared. His brother’s would never trust him again. He burned up inside as Tay had and he ran down the hallway.

“Good-bye Taylor!” I yelled trying to break free. He continued to hold me down, not saying anything at the moment.

“Taylor let go of me!!” I yelled. I was more scared then I ever had been. I was afraid he would hurt me, he had anger written all over his face.

“You think I am that stupid?! You think I am THAT fuckin’ stupid!?!” he hollered again.

“Taylor I don’t know what to think!” I cried, “Just let me go!!” He let go and sat down on the bed. I sat up and moved away from him. He looked at me, still angry for sure, but upset that he had hurt me the way he did.

“I don’t know where the hell that came from but it sure the shit isn’t mine. You hurt me Bre, I don’t get high. When you said I was a junkie I got so upset, and you wouldn’t listen to me, you wouldn’t stop yelling at me. I am sorry I hurt you, I shouldn’t have, but it was the only way you would listen to me. I am sorry, I really am,” he said crying holding out his arms. I sat near him and laid my head on him shoulder while he wrapped his loving arms around me.

“Tay I am sorry. I should have heard you out, I just overreacted. I just got scared,” I sighed.

“That’s all right. Anyone would have been. But Bre, if it’s not mine then, who’s is it?” he asked.

“It’s mine,” a voice said from the hallway. Taylor and I focused our attention to the boy standing in the doorway, Isaac.

“You? My brother?” Tay asked astonished.

“Yeah, but it’s not what you think,” he began.

“Your a real asshole, you know that? You have to be a real idiot to try that stuff. I will never be able to trust you or look up to you again!!” Taylor yelled.

“TAYLOR WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!!” Isaac yelled.

“Fine but this better be a damn good explanation. Cause’ right now I’m pissed!”

“And I wasn’t pissed when you tried to set me up?!” he fought back.

“Ike that wasn’t freakin’ drugs!” Taylor said pushing him in the chest, “It wasn’t something to fuck up your life forever!”

“Just listen to me! I never tried the stuff, honest!” he said pushing him back. I quietly sat on the bed, watching them both blow up at each other, push each other, hurt each other. I was scared inside. I couldn’t believe that Ike had taken the drugs and I couldn’t believe that Taylor couldn’t give any sympathy.

“I am going to leave you two alone,” I said standing up quietly.

“No Bre!” Tay yelled, “Sit down, take notes on what he says so I can tell Mom.”

“Tay please,” Ike begged.

“Why should I make you feel better? Why should I give you any compassion? Why should I care?” he asked in a tone that made Ike frown.

“TAYLOR!!” I yelled, “IF YOU WOULD STOP FOR ONE SECOND TO LISTEN TO ISAAC YOU WOULD HEAR THAT HE DIDN’T TRY THE STUFF!! OK!! BELIEVE HIM TAYLOR!” I yelled louder.

“Fine,” he moaned.

“Tay, Bre, I didn’t try the stuff, I swear. I swear Tay I didn’t. My friends were all smoking it behind Rex’s and I was with them. I wanted to leave but they were afraid that I would rat on them so they made me take a joint so I couldn’t rat on them. Tay I didn’t want to start anything so I just took it, plus they told me it would make me feel better.”

“Ike how can I believe you?” Tay asked looking him in the eyes.

“Tay please. Believe me, please,” he begged again.

“Ike I trust you,” I said softly walking over to him and grabbing him tight, “But when you got home why didn’t you just flush it down the toilet or something?”

“I don't know,” he sighed, “I mean I was so upset and I didn’t have a clear vision of what my life was headed for. I guess I thought I might try it,” he stuttered.

“Oh God,” Tay groaned to his brother.

“I didn’t put it in my drawer because I was afraid, afraid that every time I open the drawer it would lure me to take it. That’s why I put it in Tay’s drawer.” Tay and I just stared at Ike. Everyone in the room fell silent. No one wanted to talk about what was going on, we all wished it was just a bad dream, which none of us could say it was.

“Tay before you called that day I was breaking down, physically and emotionally. I shook and cried, just laying on my bed, not trying to stop myself from doing so. Tay I was scared and I thought the drugs might help. While my hand rummaged in that drawer, you had called. Instead of getting the drugs I picked up that phone. Tay if you have never called, no one would have ever seen me again, I would have done something that I would have regretted. But you saved me, you kept me standing, thanks to you I am standing here right now,” Isaac said with tears swelling in his brown eyes.

Taylor walked over and grabbed him tight, “Ike I am SO sorry. I didn’t know, I am sorry I got so angry.”

“You didn’t do anything Tay. You both had every right to blow up at me. I am sorry that I totally ruined our trust, and our honesty and everything else. I am so sorry,” he cried. Tay held on to him but he did nothing. His arms stayed to his side as he cried into Tay’s shoulder. I just stood in awe as I watched the both of them cry and embrace each other. They were both scared, more then they probably had ever been before.

“Ike, I am your brother. I believe you, I trust you and I know you are honest. I love you Ike and I am not going to hate you. But if you were to ask me I would say we shouldn’t tell anyone. I know that this might be the wrong thing to do, but Lynn and Zac have their own problem. Mom and Dad just got done having another child. The last thing anyone needs to hear right now is this. And I am not saying you aren’t important Ike because you are one of the most important people in my life. You just have to realize that the best thing to do would to just keep it within us.”

“Your right Tay,” Ike sighed, “Your right.”

“Guys I hate to cut in, but can we flush this?” I asked holding up the joint.

“Yeah,” they both said together. We all walked into the bathroom and I handed the joint to Ike.

“You need to do this. Show yourself that you don’t need this, and that everything is OK, and that YOU are going to be all right.” He took it from my hand and dropped it into the toilet. He pulled the handle and it went down slowly. He put down the seat and sat down.

“I feel much better,” he sighed letting all his confusion and madness out.

“Now, you know you have to tell Elizabeth,” Tay said strongly looking Ike in the eyes.

“Now I feel sick again,” he moaned putting his head in his hands, “I thought you said we were not telling anyone else?”

“That wasn’t including Elizabeth,” I sighed as I knelt down beside him. Ike I know this is going to be the hardest thing for you but you HAVE to do this,” I grabbed his hand, “If this topic ever comes up, you will feel so guilty and that will only lead you toward another downward spiral.”

“Exactly,” Tay replied. After Isaac sat in silence for a few minutes he lifted his head out of his hands.

“When she gets back I will tell her alone,” he said trying to smile, “Can you guys leave me alone?” Ike asked.

“Sure,” I said beginning to walk out. I noticed that Tay wasn’t behind me and I saw him still standing by his brother, “Tay,” I grabbed him and dragged him out of the bathroom. We went back into his room. We sat on his bed and he kissed my nose.

“I’m sorry I judged Tay, I am sorry I yelled.”

“I understand. I just never thought,” he continued kissing my neck, “That Ike would do that.”

“Neither can I, Tay, neither can I,” I said pulling away from him, “But I have a question. Taylor, do you believe in love at first sight?”

“What? Why?”

“Well I didn’t until now. I mean what and how we met and this love we have now is from love at first sight.”

“Bre, I’ve never thought about it before. But your right, I love you.”

“If you love me you will help me pack at my house. And don’t moan Mr.!”

“OK,” he smiled. I grabbed him tight, “And make sure to grab your bags, we can throw them in the car.”

“Sure.”

* * * Tay and I sat in my room.

“OK missy. Your stuff was already packed so why did you bring me over here?” he asked.

“Because. Any second Elizabeth will get home and I didn’t want you there gnawing on Ike’s throat to tell her. Tay, this is something Ike has to do by himself and at his own pace.”

“But you don’t know Ike,” he sighed.

“And neither do you. You never thought he would take a joint, did you? No. You didn’t know that he would push you, did you? No. Tay, that’s the thing about life. No one knows anyone. You may have people grow up right before your eyes and say I know everything about him, and you don’t. You don’t know anything about that person. You don’t know what people, think or say when your not around, or do when your not around. You might let them grow up, and let them see the world in a certain way, but that perspective STILL isn’t what you think it is. No one knows anyone Tay.”

“Yeah but why did he?”

“Tay, everyone thinks about it at one point. One minute people may be fine, the next they may cave in. That’s when they start thinking about suicide and drugs. And that’s exactly what happened to Ike. Tay just be grateful you saved your brothers life.”

“I am. I am very grateful.”

“Good. Now let’s think about how much fun we will have tomorrow and the next few days!”

* * * Ever since Tay and Bre had left Ike had been sitting on the couch crying. He didn’t want to be crying, but he felt it was the only thing he could be doing at the moment. When he saw Walker’s car pull up he ran into the kitchen and splashed water on his face, sat on the couch again and turned on a cartoon. He began to fake laugh hysterically to make it look like his face was red from laughter. Elizabeth and everyone else walked in the door.

“God, looks like someone’s been laughing a lot,” she smiled.

“Well, you know the saying, every time you laugh you loose a pound,” he smiled widely.

“Oh, yeah. Like YOU of all people need it,” she said sarcastically rolling her eyes.

“Lizzy I need to talk to you...alone in my room,” he said sighing. Walker left the room into the kitchen with the little ones.

“Why does this not sound good?” she asked.

* * * “So Ikey what’s up?” she asked sitting on his bed. He stood in front of her.

“OK I am REALLY no good at saying things like this. And I don’t know how.”

“Ikey just tell me.”

“Well Bre was helping Tay pack and I was watching outside the doorway. Well a joint fell out of his drawer.” She sat stunned. “You mean Tay is doing drugs?”

“No, no, no. Well, Bre totally blew up at him and to get her attention he threw her on the bed, literally.”

“Oh, my, God,” Liz sighed with her eyes not taking one blink.

“But Lizzy I stepped in, because, well...that...was my joint,” he said slowly hanging his head.

“ISAAC HOW COULD YOU?!” she yelled.

“I didn’t smoke it ever. I never even tried the stuff, honest I didn’t. I just got it from a friend. When I was trying to get it out of the drawer thinking it might help me because I was in such a low, the phone rang and Tay was telling me to come down. If he never called I probably wouldn’t be here today, he saved my life.”

“Oh, Ikey come here,” she said pulling him into her arms, “How did he take it?”

“Not so well, but I figured he wouldn’t. Bre and Tay helped me flush it though. It’s gone forever and ever. Will you still love me Lizzy?” he asked looking into her green eyes.

“Oh Ikey. Of course I will love you. I always will! So you messed up, and sure you shouldn’t have taken it, but everyone messes up once in a while. Just promise me you will NEVER try it.”

“I promise with all my heart.”

“Good.” She smiled deeply and they kissed.

“Man I should be a bad boy more often,” he smiled slyly.

“Oh no you shouldn’t!” she laughed, “Now come on let’s pack your stuff and take it over to Bre’s.”

“Sure.”

“Let’s just hope nothing falls out,” she giggled.

“HA HA HA very funny,” he laughed sarcastically.

* * * Elizabeth and Ike walked hand and hand to Bre’s carrying Ike’s stuff and Zac’s so the car would be completely packed. They threw the duffel bags into the back of the car and walked in the house.

“Everyone is upstairs,” Sharon smiled.

“Thanks,” they said heading upstairs. They knocked on the door and then entered. Zac, Lynn, myself and Tay were all on the ground talking. They sat down with us and smiled.

“Hey guys!”

“Hey!” Zac smiled, “So what’s...”

“Boys phone!!” My mom yelled from downstairs, “It’s you father!!” We all ran down the stairs. They boys fought over who should take the call and then finally Tay just grabbed the phone. Tay soon hung up the phone and explained that their father had to talk “business” with them and that they had to head home. We all said bye as they left the house.

* * * The boys sat down on the couch as their father towered over them.

“So dad, what do we need to talk about?” Ike asked.

“Well, Mercury called and you guys need to be in New York by tonight. There is this music party that you have to go to. They need you there to answer questions and perform a song or two.”

“Oh JOY!” Zac moaned, “I can just hear the questions now, 'So how have you changed since you entered the business?’” They all laughed at Zac.

“So I’ve decided that Sharon and Bill will take you guys. They have already said yes and the girls are going to this party with you. This is it boys, you can’t mess up. The music reps are going to see that you guys have some cutesy girlfriends. The next day you guys will leave from New York to Vermont as planned.”

“YES!” Taylor screamed, “This is what I have been waiting for!”

“No time to scream Taylor,” Walker said sternly, “Your clothes designer already called your mother and she laid out what each of you will be wearing on your beds. Change quickly and then come back down here. You need to be at the party by 8:00pm so we have to catch a plane in one hour. The clothes designer called Sharon and gave her a special place to go pick up the girls dresses. They will be ready to go when you get there.”

“Dad. I hate this part of the business, really bad,” Ike moaned, “I mean we have to look SO certain and I mean it just sucks.”

“Isaac, remember what I told you. That’s how the business runs.”

* * * We all entered a very fancy looking dress shop right outside of Tulsa. We didn’t really understand what was going on because everything was going to fast, but my mom just said that this is where we had to go. The lady behind the counter knew who we were and handed my mother three of the same dresses just in different colors. My mom handed us each our dress.

“Go try them on and make sure they fit,” she smiled.

“Sure,” we all smiled going into the fitting area. When I saw the dresses they were beautiful. They were Calvin Klein and very well made. They were a silk material and they had Chinese designs all over them. They were very long and they straps were very very thin. Mine was red, Lynn’s was blue and Liz’s was purple. They were really beautiful and when I put mine on I felt grand. When we walked out and lined up in front of my mom she smiled very widely.

“You all look so beautiful and old,” she laughed, “Well here put on your shoes.” When I looked at the shoes I was scared, “Mom these?”

“Yes honey.” The shoes were open toed and they were VERY tall. They looked to be a very pale gold to match the design on our dresses. They had thin straps that went over and all around our feet. When I stood up I smiled.

“Wow, look at us,” I laughed.

“I know,” Lynn smiled. My mother nodded her head in agreement to something the women had said and then steered her vision towards us.

“OK girls, now lets run!” she yelled.

* * * The boys were already seated in their suits as we walked onto the plane. When the boys saw us they instantly stood up. Taylor walked over to me and grabbed my hands.

“Your gorgeous,” he muffled.

“Your not so shabby yourself,” I smiled.

“Girls, no time for chit chat. Come with me,” my Mom sighed exhausted, “I have to get the three of you full of make up and do your hair in exactly,” she looked at her watch, “two hours!” she yelled. We all laughed. I was first and my mom quickly put a light dusting of make up on my face. She took my hair and let it fall onto my shoulders. She took a curler and curled it slightly letting big gentle curls angle my face. I went back over to Tay and he stared in awe as I sat down.

“Wow, you are so beautiful,” he smiled.

“Thank you Tay, thank you.”

“Your welcome. Bre, will you be with me all night? Never leave my side. Even if like your favorite band is there? I want you to be with me. I want everyone to see me with you,” he smiled.

“Yes Tay,” I laughed. I looked back over to see Lynn and Elizabeth. They looked beautiful as well. Lynn’s hair was down for one of the very first times. My mother had curled it under and put to little gold barrettes in each side. Liz on the other hand had a totally different look. My mother had take her hair and put it in a many little buns on the top of her head. On each of them she put a little gold butterfly. She left some strands of Liz’s hair to frame her face.

* * * When we got to our hotel we had just enough time to put all our bags in our rooms. We were on the top floor and took up all seven of the rooms. My parents didn’t like the idea of any of us kids sharing a room for the night so we each got our own. When we saw the limo out in the back entrance my parents kissed us good-bye as we headed out the back door.

* * * When I got there I was amazed. It was like a oversized press conference with all the different bands of the moment. A red carpet was laid out for all the stars and their guests to enter in. Gold posts and guards blocked the screaming fans and photographers from getting too close.

“Just act normal, smile and don’t let go of my hand,” he smiled. I gave him a soft kiss, “Got it!” As we stepped out of the limo it was hard to see anything past the screaming fans trying to get a glimpse of the boys. I grabbed Taylor’s hand and we walked down the carpet. There wasn’t one second wasted by photographers or fans to snap a picture of us together. Some fans got upset as they saw us, while others just kept smiling. When we finally got into the building after our long walk down the red carpet I stood stunned.

“Tay there are so many stars,” I said in awe.

“Just act casual,” he said loosing his grip. I smiled widely as I saw all the musicians mingling with each other. Finally, after endless press asking questions I saw other groups that I really wanted to meet. “Tay, would you mind if I just went over and said ‘hi’ with Lynn to the Backstreet Boys. I mean we both really like them.” Before he could answer I kissed his cheek softly and walked over to them with Lynn. I saw Nick and I was in awe,he looks even better in person,I thought. They saw us walking over and saw where we were coming from and proceeded to walk up to us.

“Hi, my name is Breanne,” I said shaking all of their hands, “And this is Lynn.”

“Hello,” Nick said, “So you are here with Hanson eh?”

“Yeah, we are their girlfriends. I mean the rumors are finally true,” I smiled.

“Well congratulations,” Brian smiled.

“I really love your guys music,” Lynn smiled.

“Thank you, we try!” AJ laughed I started my own conversation with Nick and before I knew it Lynn was gone and so were the other Backstreet Boys.

“So how old were you again?” he asked.

“15, going to be 16. What about you?" I asked.

"I'm 17," he blushed,"just turned 17."

"Your a really nice and easy person to talk to,” I said smiling.

"So are you. Hey do you want to get together sometime? Like just as friends, I mean your really pretty, I mean..." he stuttered.

God, Nick Carter is embarassed to talk to me, he is so adorable and nice and kind and..,I thought to myself, the list could go on and on. I am deffinately going to keep in touch with him.

She is so gorgeous, Nick thought looking into my eyes deeper, Why couldn't I get like together, go out with her, I wish I was Taylor Hanson right now, he laughed to himself, but friends will do.

"Sure I would love to get together sometime, deffinately," I grinned.

"Great well here's my number," he said jotting it down on a napkin and giving it to me. I quickly placed it in my purse, "Call me anytime," he grinned.

"Great, I deffinately will." Suddenly Lynn pulled me away from him.

“Bre you have been talking with him for a half an hour!” She yelled, “Tay just ran out into the hall. You promised him you would be with him and he has been looking all over for you and he just spotted you and ran out.”

“Oh God,” I moaned as I ran out into the hall to find him. I saw him sitting on the ground leaning up against the wall. He wasn’t crying but by the way he stared straight, with no expression scared me. He saw me in the corner of his eye.

“How could you Bre? You just totally deserted me! They got pictures of you two together, barely any of us, it seems that you are his, not mine,” he said strongly, “You promised you would be with me.”

“Tay I didn’t mean to do this. I’m, I’m...sorry,” I sighed looking down at the ground.

“Sorry? Sorry?!! No, you are not sorry. You promised me and you lied. Bre you lied to me! I wanted you and I needed you with me and unlike all the other times you weren’t there and you obviously didn’t want to be there. So just, just, don’t talk to me!” he yelled.

“Tay how can you say that? So I think Nick is talented and nice. I won't lie to you Taylor, that's why I jsut admitted it. I just wanted to get to know him, I didn’t notice the time. Tay I don't love him. I love you.”

“That’s just a piece of shit and you know it. You know it’s just a line! So just lay off!”

“Tay will you stop! You can’t say I don’t love you with all my heart, because I do. Tay I didn’t mean to hurt you. What about the time you went with that girl Tracy and totally forgot about me?!”

“Leave that out of this!” he yelled coldly, “You know,” he said standing up, “I am sick of this all. I am sick of you going and flirting with every guy you see!!” he yelled in my face.

“Tay!...” I began but stopped. Taylor just walked away from me and back into the party. He quickly sang “Mmmbop” and “Where’s The Love?” with his brothers and then wanted to leave immediately. It was midnight when we left the party and barely any of the stars had left. The fans on the other hand had pretty much gone home.

“Aren’t you overreacting Taylor?” Ike asked on our way home.

“No! Everyone just shut up!!” he yelled. Lynn and Elizabeth grabbed me tight. They knew I didn’t mean to hurt Tay and that he was overreacting.

* * * Nick walked over to all of the guys when Tay and his brothers performances were done.

"Where were you buddy?" Brian asked, "There was just this really fine girl..." he began.

"I was talking to Bre," Nick cut in. All their heads turned and looked at him.

"What did you talk about Nick?" AJ asked, knowing this should be a good.

"I really liked her, she was very easy to talk to and we just talked about stuff, our lives you know. She seemed like someone I could really open up to, not to mention she is absolutely beautiful. I gave her my phone number and we agreed to hook up, but just as friends, ya know? Cause' I totally respect that she is seeing Taylor," he explained.

"That's cool Kaos, I'm glad you found someone you really can talk to besides us and that you like...just to bad she's taken. How old is she?" Kevin asked.

"She is 15, going to be 16 in August. So I mean she isn't that young, I was surpirsed," Nick smiled just remembering Bre's face in his mind. "I just really have these feelings for her. But I don't know," he sighed.

"Your 17 Nick, trust me your going to and it's going to be confusing. But trust me, being friends with her will be good for you," Brian smiled patting him on the back.

"Let's go party," Nick grinned.

* * * When we got back to the hotel my parents asked how it was and I lied saying it was great. My room was across the hall from my parents and Tay’s. After we all settled in and everyone was sleeping I got out of bed and began to walk to Tay’s room. For some reason I knew something was wrong. I just had a uneasy feeling.

* * * Taylor sat on the edge of his bed lining up all the pill bottles he could find, from depressants, to normal Tylenol. His life was so messed up at the moment and nothing was going the way he wanted it to or planned. Not with Bre, in fact he didn’t mind what Bre did. He wanted to commit suicide for so many reasons. He had fallen and no one seemed to notice. With the maybe pregnancy, and the drugs, and then he totally blew up at Bre. He didn’t know how to handle any of it, and he didn’t know how to tell Bre he was sorry. Everything was going wrong and he knew if he tried killing himself all his pain would be gone.

“Bre’s right, no one knows anyone, no one cares,” Tay said taking off the tops to all the bottles.

* * * I knocked on his door twice and no one answered. Finally I just let myself in and stood frozen, numb with pain. I knew what he was aiming to do.

“NO TAY!” I screamed.

“Bre. No one knows me, you said it yourself. No one knows anyone. With everything that is going on I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to live Bre, you wouldn’t understand, I just don’t. I am not mad at you, I am sorry about what I said, I love you,” he said softly. He picked up some of the bottles and I ran over to him. I fought with him trying to get the pills.

“HELP SOMEONE HELP ME!!” I screamed as loud as I could with tears in my throat.

“Don’t ruin this Bre, it’s better this way,” he yelled. Tears and sweat ran down my face. I tried wrestling with him with all my might.

“HELP ME GOD DAMIT!! SOMEONE!! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME!!?” I screamed louder. Finally, after what felt like forever everyone came running in. Taylor held me by my wrists keeping me away from him as much as possible. My wrists ached he was hurting me so bad, luckily no pills were taken.

“Please, someone, he’s hurting me, please,” I cried softly. My father ran over and got me free of his grasp. My father quickly grabbed his hands and threw all the pill bottles crashing to the floor. Ike quickly ran over and embraced his brother. Zac and Lynn held hands as they stared blankly. I fell to the ground and my mother grabbed me, Lynn and Liz and took us into my parents room. As I walked I looked down to see my knees shaking. Then I looked at my wrists which hurt and burned. They had bright red wrings around them and bled a little from our fight. We sat quietly on my mothers bed.

“Breanne, Taylor will be all right. He hasn’t taken any pills yet. Thank God you came in when you had. But right now you have some explaining to do,” she sighed. I wasn’t paying much attention to my mother. I just kept remembering what he looked like. His face was swollen and red. His hair was knotted, wet and stuck to the sides of his face from tears. Then finally his nose was bleeding for a reason I didn’t know. He looked horrible and I knew he must had been confused if he wanted to kill himself like he did. I also knew the reason he was confused, it was everything. The pregnancy, drugs and our fight. He was scared and it was my fault, for I should have been there to begin with. Right at that pivotal moment I wished I was killing myself. There was a God awful stabbing pain in my back, and I knew I deserved it, because Tay wasn't the only one on my mind at the moment, so was Nick.

“Now Bre, what happened?” my mom asked as I looked up from my thought, “Whatever it was young lady it must have been something big to push Taylor over the edge like it did.” What my mother said made the knife in my back twist deeper into my back and made me feel worse. Lynn and Liz looked at me knowing that I wasn’t the only reason for his actions. But neither of them wanted to tell my mom the whole story, I knew they would just talk about what went on tonight, with me. I looked at Lynn and motioned for her to tell my mom about tonight.

“Bre saw Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. They began to talk and before Bre knew it they had been talking for a good hour and a half and before hand Bre had promised she would be with Tay. Taylor felt miserable after that and they got in a fight. She feels horrible now and well, as you can tell, so does Tay.”

“Oh, Bre honey. You just have to learn the saying. Actions speak louder then words. What you think is harmless can harm the one you love.” I shook my head in agreement with what my Mom said. I knew she was right.

“Now let’s try to clean you up. What you went through saved his life. You must really love him to get hurt like this for his love,” she smiled. She took two wet rags and put one on each of my wrists to cool them off and stop the burning and pain. Lynn and Liz just looked at my wrists not being able to believe Tay had hurt me like he did.

* * * “Taylor are you all right?” my father asked hugging him once again. Taylor shook his head to say yes.

“If you ever need someone I am here,” he replied.

“Thank you,” he said in a horrible sounding voice.

“Can I be alone with Tay please?” Ike asked.

“Sure,” My father said as he and Zac left the room.

“Tay, this isn’t all Bre. But your making it sound that way and you really really hurt her. It’s making her feel horrible. This is about everything, it’s about all of us.”

“Yeah I know. I just got confused. I fell and I didn’t want to get back up. I wanted to end all this confusion.”

“I understand,” he grabbed Tay tight and then saw me in the doorway, “I am going to leave now Tay. Bye.” Ike walked out of the door quickly stopping to give me a hug and I walked in. I sat down right beside him.

“Taylor I am sorry,” I said quietly.

“No, you did nothing I over reacted. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I wasn’t mad at you at the party tonight. I just took my anger out on you, I am so sorry Bre. It was because of everything. It’s like the world is spinning SO fast around me and I am just stuck in the middle and everyone was throwing their problems on me and I had to fix them.”

“I love you Tay. You involved me in your life Tay. Don’t ever feel alone, I am always right beside you. That’s how it works. If you feel confused, or alone that means I do to, and we can work to fix it together. Tay when I saw you tonight, I could care less about me. I just wanted to save you, that’s all that mattered.” At that moment all thoughts of Nick fled my mind, I would get help from him as a friend, but I didn't have feelings for him like I did for Tay. I didn't have the feelings I had for Tay towards anyone.

“Your right Bre. I am so sorry I hurt you the way I did. I just was so into killing myself, I didn’t care about anyone else, but I care about you and I love you with all my heart and soul. Without you I wouldn’t be here right now. I love you more then life itself,” he cried. I grabbed him tight, “I love you Tay. Now let me clean you up. Why was your nose bleeding?” I asked as I walked into the bathroom to get a damp cloth.

I walked back out and sat near him again, “Well?”

“Bre before you came in I tried hurting myself, like hitting myself and things, I just wanted to hurt so bad that I would just turn numb and forget about everything else but the pain,” he cried looking down at the floor.

I held him close and then pulled away, “Tay, don’t do that to yourself,” I sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he cried.

“Don’t be sorry silly,” I laughed. I wiped his face and wiped the dried blood from his nose. I combed out his hair and put it back in a ponytail. Then I laid him down on his bed and laid beside him, rubbing his chest.

“Don’t tremble, please, Tay, I’m here, that will never happen to you again. I will not leave,” I got closer to him and he moved closer to me.

“I’m fine, please, I’m fine,” he sighed.

“Sure ya are, yeah I believe that one,” I laughed.

“Please stay Bre,” he begged closing his eyes.

“I’m not going to leave you Tay, I promise,” I said softly kissing his cheek. It was late when I got out of bed and looked out the window at the stars. I just thought. I thought about what had happened, and how this sort of thing happens every day. If it was one thing I learned that night it would be that life’s tuff, and it can take you just as fast as it can make you, if someone’s not there for you. That’s when I realized, everyone needs someone to love. If I ever lost Tay I know I would have killed myself, it didn’t take me long to realize that. Life’s one tuff game. No matter who you are, or what era you are living in...it’s still the same. You need love.

“What are you doing Bre?” Tay asked as he rolled over in bed.

“Thinking of you,” I sighed. I turned on the Titanic Soundtrack in Tay’s portable stereo and laid back down beside him. The soft instrumental music made Tay stop shaking. I curled up next to him. He started humming and stroking my hair. We both fell asleep after a very long night.
Back to Tulsa: A Love and Hate Story
Chapter 20
Mail the Author Breon2000@aol.com