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Stopping at the pay phone downstairs I dialed Nick's number, it was time I left.
"Hey, this is Nick, talk to me," he answered.
Does he always answer differently?I laughed to myself.
“Hey Nick it’s Bre, listen I need to see you, I don’t understand things and I am just really confused and stuff right now. I really need to talk to you, please come get me, please,” I begged.
“I will come get you right now, just hold tight,” he sighed.
“Thank you, I love you bye,” I said hanging up the phone.
“Guys I’ll be right back, I have to go get Bre. She sounds stressed and wants to see me,” he smiled slightly.
“Cool, we’ll wait to start the movie,” Kevin smiled.
He flew out the door and when the others saw him fly down the street in his car they all looked at each other.
“Man that kid loves her. He isn’t even dating her and he says he never wants to cheat on her and now he’s seeing her again,” Howie sighed shaking his head.
“Yeah, but what I want to know is why she is relaying on him so much more lately? I think she likes him, no, try loves him as much he does her,” Brian stated.
“Hi,” I said softly.
“Hey, I’ve missed you so much...so much,” he smiled hugging me again, “What are the bags for?”
“Their going in your car,” I said walking out with him to his car as we held hands, “It’s a long story that I will tell you on the way back to the house.”
“OK,” he smiled taking the bags putting them in the car and then opening the car door for me.
He helped me in and then placed another kiss on my lips, I just smiled. They were meaningful to me, but I still didn’t want to admit to myself that I felt love. “You know Bre whatever this is, we’re going to get you through it,” he smiled as he got into his side and we drove off.
That’s all I needed to hear, that’s all I wanted to hear.
“Now, begin, tell me everything. But first how are you with the cutting, did we stop like AJ told you?” he asked.
I couldn’t lie to him so I told him the truth, “I listened to AJ and staid clean for a week, but then I started again. Tay got me to stop but it didn’t seem like he cared like AJ did. I was about to start cutting myself, but then I remembered you and I didn’t, I called you instead.”
He just smiled and looked like he was the happiest man in the world.
“I am so glad to hear that Bre, I feel so good. Now tell Nicky what’s the matter,” he laughed lightly.
“Nick, I, I, I just needed to get away. So much is happening and I can’t do this anymore. Nick, Liz’s father was diagnosed with Brain Cancer and he is going to die anyday now. I was there for her but I’m hurting so bad because I love her dad and God is taking him. Everyday I ask if God’s still listening, because I don’t know if he really is. Nick, Liz told Ike she saw her father in him, and she does and I am so happy about that, he was too, so he asked her to marry him. Needless to say they are or might, or aren’t,” I said crying harder.
“Go on, just let it out Bre, what else happened?” he asked taking one of my hands and lifting it up kissing it then squeezing it to show he was listening.
“Well Ike didn’t, couldn’t help Liz so he hooked her up with JC from ‘N Sync, you know. He did died from the same Cancer, so they hung up and he made her feel so much better. Well I told Liz to tell him how she felt tonight, because Liz had feelings for JC. I mean fuck, he’s 21 Nick, he can’t like her, or at least I thought. Well she goes and lies to Ike last night and says she DOESN’T have feelings for JC and then she goes and tells JC how she feels. Well, ya know what?” I said punching the dashboard in rage, and scaring him a little, “SHE FUCKED HIM!” I yelled.
Nick just turned and looked at me and then quickly looked back on the road.
“She WHAT?” he asked making sure he heard me right.
“She cheated on Ike! Nick, she thinks tomorrow will go fine. The only reason I know about this is cause I walked in on them but they never saw me. So she lied to me and Lynn, saying everything between them was FINE. I know tomorrow is going to be awful and I’m not ready for it. I’m not ready to give another talk. I know that the only way they will get back together is through death. It’s sad to say but when Liz’s dad dies she will need him and by that time he will need her. I mean so I don't want to be involved with them. Plus, I mean I still have Lynn and Zac, who are SO zoned off from us and weird since the abortion I can barely talk with them,” I cried harder and harder.
Nick pulled into the driveway of the quaint house and turned the key. He reached over to me and pulled me into his lap and let my feet rest on the passengers seat. I just cried into his chest, hard. “Bre, but your still not telling me why. Why did YOU want to leave?” he cooed running his hands through my hair. I looked up at him.
“Nick, I’m depressed, confused and scared. To be brutally honest I feel like I am getting sucked into this never ending saga of a life and none of it deals with me. I am so busy helping others I can’t help myself anymore, I don’t have the energy. Nick these people used to be fun loving happy people, what happened? I USED to like being around them, now I can’t talk to them, like I can you. I’m getting tossed and pushed and Tay can’t see I’m falling apart. It’s not cause he’s so busy, it’s just that he doesn’t seem to notice. I don’t know Nick, it’s like I’m going to be 16 and I’ve experienced SOO much, it scares me. Nothing I’ve experienced was good for me. I had sex, and I didn’t exactly LIKE the idea of loosing my virginity, but that seems what Tay wants, so I let him have it. I have tried to kill myself, I have seen someone else try to kill himself, I have seen my best friend go through an abortion at 13! I have seen cheating, DAMNIT!! I want to find out why I was put on this earth. Tonight I realized that I was trapped, that if I didn’t leave, I would be gone forever, with those five people the rest of my life. Nick, I realized tonight that I love you, and I realized that a while ago. But now I REALLY realized I loved you, like I love Tay. I can’t decide though Nick and with my life and all.”
With that he just held me tighter,She said the words I always wanted to hear. She loves me like Taylor, she loves me like I love her,he sighed to himself.
“Bre I love you too, I won’t deny it, I never have. But what you and Tay have or had is special too. I don’t want to push anything on you, but what I will do is be there for you and care. I won’t let your life get away from you, OK? I promise, you just need to do some sorting out and thinking.”
“Thank you Nick, thank you. I tell you everyday I love you and thank you for saving me, but especially today. Thank you, I love you. I will call Tay tomorrow and say I had to catch an early flight but leave tomorrow night so I can spend a day with you,” I smiled kissing him.
“When you get there think about Bre, what does Bre want with life? When you answer that question then you call me, cause I will always love you. I’m not giving up hope on you Breanne because I love you,” he smiled hugging me tighter.
At that moment I wanted no one else. I leaned in closer and kissed him, deeply. It was the same kind of kiss he gave me when I left the last time I saw him. My ears filled with a new set of tears, but these tears were because I felt safe and wanted.
“Man, I really missed that,” I laughed.
“Me to,” he laughed back, “Now let’s go in.”
I looked into his eyes and smiled, God did I love him. We held hands and walked in. As I looked around they were all just sitting casually talking. When they saw me AJ quickly ran up to me and held me tight, then planted a soft kiss on my mouth. For being 18 he sure looked older.
“It’s so good to see you back up and about. How are you doing?” he asked as he took my hand.
Nick just looked pretty pissed considering AJ just grabbed me from him. Brian saw the look and motioned for Nick to calm down. I sat down between AJ and Nick after giving them all welcoming hugs.
“I was up and about the last time,” I laughed.
“You know what we mean,” Brian teased.
“I am doing much better,” I smiled telling them about how I started and then stopped.
They all nodded happy I chose them before cutting. AJ winked and I could tell that meant I was pretty much all better.
“Good, cause if you left us we would be awful,” Kevin smiled.
“Thanks,” I sighed laying my head in Nick’s lap.
The guys saw the huge grin form on his face, like he had his girl and they didn’t. They laughed when Howie pointed something else out. Nick turned red not knowing what to do in the situation and stood up.
“I...I have to go to the bathroom,” he said as his voice cracked.
We all saw him bolt to the bathroom.
I gave a weird look, “What was that all about?”
“He got too excited for his own good when you did that,” Brian laughed harder, “Hormones, they are raging in him.”
I just grinned,I was able to turn on Nick Carter, impressive Bre,I laughed to myself. “You guys are so mean to point that out.”
“So why did you bring so many bags with you? And why did you decide to come here?” Howie asked changing the topic.
“Put it this way, this is the condensed version. Liz’s father is dying, Ike asked her to marry him, she said yes and then proceeded to cheat on him with someone Ike hooked her up with so she could talk to someone about her dad, a.k.a., JC Chasez from ‘N Sync. Then we have Lynn and Zac who just confine themselves, and well...”
Tears began to form again. AJ quickly reacted and wrapped his arms around me.
“I realized tonight that I was all alone. Tay cares, I know that he does but he doesn’t realize I am falling apart. It’s not that he’s too busy it’s that he doesn’t bother to notice like he used to. I know something’s wrong but I am too busy solving other peoples problems to solve my own, and Tay won’t be man enough to bring it up. Instead he fixes it by sex, which I am sick and tired of. It’s like I’m trapped, or was, cause I don’t know. I just needed you guys, I needed Nick. I love Nick, I realized that tonight too. I told Nick I did, but at the same time I still love Tay. I just don’t know what to do and I knew that being with you guys would help. Tomorrow I’m just telling Tay I’m in Connecticut early even though I’ll be with you guys and take a plane tomorrow Night,” I cried.
Brian just looked over at me and then came over and hugged me so tight it hurt. Why does this have to happen to her? She doesn’t deserve it,he sighed to himself.
“Life’s not treating you so good, but you know what? That’s OK because we are here and we can see your falling apart. We want to help and we want to listen,” Brian smiled.
I just returned the smile and continued to listen to Brian.
“Elizabeth’s dad dying is going to hurt everyone, but trust me when I say that God knew he needed to go. Knowing that Liz had sex with JC, which is illegal, and cheated Ike can’t be easy Bre. But it’s good that you left because avoiding that conflict was best. She has to learn that she shouldn’t have anyone to run to. Don’t involve yourself in that. I know it’s hard but you can’t. As for Zac and Lynn let them do what they need to do. Leave them be, you can’t expect them to be normal with everyone again,” he smiled.
“Thank you, thank you so much. But what about Tay, Nick? I mean I love them both. It’s like when I’m with Nick we have so much fun and like we fool around. Not sexually, but just fool around. To me that is the best and I love that about Nick. He’s a big flirt and romantic. With Tay everything has to be so serious and SO romantic it becomes mechanical. He’s just like...him. He used to understand me like Nick, but now it’s like I don’t know him anymore, he’s just not trying. I feel the love I had with Tay when we first met with Nick now, and I just love the feeling as much as him.”
“I’ll admit Bre, Nick really loves you. I mean you guys aren’t even dating and he says he doesn’t want to cheat on you and trust me Nick has been very lonely, if you know what I mean,” AJ laughed. “I’ve never seen a couple of people so happy as you guys when your together. But you have to realize all you’ve gone through with Tay. I mean either way you have to talk to Taylor, after you talk to yourself. You have to tell Taylor what’s bothering you and why you feel the way you go. I doubt he realizes what he’s doing, but you don’t know. In any case before you choose you have to make sure you know what you are going to loose and gain. You know you’ll never loose us.”
“I just don’t know if I should tell Tay about Nick and I. I mean he HATES Nick with a passion, if he saw us together he would probably go crazy,” I sighed.
“Sometimes there are certain things you don’t tell the ones you love. They don’t need to know about it, because it only dealt with you. Whatever Nick and you do, sexually or not or will, will not be wrong...if you love him like you say. Bre sometimes the best way to heal the human soul is for the person to talk to other people and keep it within them. You have nothing to worry about,” Howie smiled brushing my face.
“Thank you. But then why did this happen with Tay and I?” I asked.
“Love fades Breanne. Your only going to be 16 next month. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are so young that what you may have perceived as love with Taylor may have not been. I think it was though, but your love with Nick I feel is just as true. You just have to look at it this way. Be happy that this is happening now. Whatever you choose is NOT a life altering decision. Right now it may be, but as you grow older you will realize you will be faced with such problems and you have to solve them quickly. For the time being though, just take it slow...but not too slow,” Kevin grinned.
I went around, hugged and kissed them all, and then sat back down, “Thank you all, I love all of you, your the best. But who do you think I should be with?” I asked just out of curiosity. Just as they looked at me Nick came back through the living room door.
“He just walked in,” AJ smiled at Nick’s perfect timing.
“Yeah I think I might have to agree,” I grinned.
“What about me?” Nick asked plopping down on my lap.
“Nick get of your squishing me!” I yelled laughing, “Plus, God knows what fluids are on you!”
“Oh...DISSED!” AJ laughed hard.
He just looked embarrassed, “Shut the hell up!” he laughed back, at least he was laughing.
“So Nick, I was just wondering what took you so long?” AJ asked grinning,This is gonna be good,he laughed to himself.
“Yah why did you hunny?” I asked grinning.
“So know I’m your hunny?” Nick asked trying his hardest to change the topic.
“Not if you don’t answer the question,” Brian laughed.
Nick bit his lower lip, “I don't think your names Breanne now is it?” Nick asked pissed.
“Well mine is and you won’t know if you don’t answer the question,” I said again holding back laughs.
“Well...I was just going to the bathroom, yah that’s it,” he smiled satisfied with his answer.
“Did my little Nicky get to excited for his own good?” I asked smiling.
“Um, Bre there’s like the guys here,” he said quietly.
“I’m waiting Nick,” I laughed.
I didn’t feel bad about doing this because although he was embarrassed he was the type of guy that could laugh it off.
“Yes...” he moaned.
“Oh, so you were just relieving yourself, right?” Brian laughed harder.
Nick turned bright red, fidgeting in his seat, “Yes...” he moaned again very softly.
Suddenly the room was full of laughter. Nick laughed but was so red.
“Oh Nick, well what am I going to do with you now? You should have waited until we were in your room silly. Don’t you do that when you get in me? I don’t think your hand wants it,” I laughed.
“Oh, looks like someone’s going to have a good night,” Howie laughed.
Nick just looked at me bug eyed.
“Don’t look at me like that. What?” I asked.
“Are you serious?” he asked, his voice cracking again.
“Well your just going to have to see aren’t you?” I smiled.
He had a huge grin on his face. I didn’t know why I said that.
“Well we’re off to bed,” he laughed.
I just looked up and smiled. Brian motioned for Nick to go to him so I went into his room while Nick walked over to Brian.
“Yah Rok?” he asked.
“Now I’m saying this as an older brother, OK? You two are young and she’s not like your other two girlfriends you fucked. Don’t be stupid Nick, I know you want this, I would to, she’s very pretty and extremely nice, but try and talk her out of it. She doesn’t need another incident on her mind and if you want to stay with her then do what I say, don’t have sex with her,” Brian said very seriously.
“Thanks Frick, I’ll remember that,” Nick sighed feeling like a baby being talked to.
“I’m warning you Frack!” Brian yelled as Nick walked away.
“I know you are Rok!” he screamed back.
“Do you think he’ll listen?” AJ asked.
“I hope so, for Breanne’s sake. I mean AJ she wasn’t meant for all this you know? But now that she’s in it’s like she’s only falling in love with stars. Nick’s a great guy, I’d love to see them together, really I would. But I know Taylor, and her were meant to be. Either way I’m happy for her,” Brian sighed.
“To be honest I’d like to see her with a normal guy,” AJ said softly.
All of them shook their heads in agreement.
“Nick with a normal girl too,” Brian smiled.
They all know what he meant by the swift comment...Bre.
“Let’s not make love tonight, OK? I know that if we do, it will only be more on your mind and that beautiful face of yours doesn’t deserve any more tear stained cheeks,” he smiled.
Although it was pitch black I could still feel is smile penetrating me, and I smiled back.
“Nick?” I asked.
“Yeah?” he asked pulling me closer and was making me feel even more secure, if that was possible.
“I love you,” I beamed.
“I love you too baby,” he sighed happily back to me, kissing me on the forehead. I lifted my head up kissing him back on the lips. When we stopped he only held me tight once again. I cuddled my head into his chest and closed my eyes. His body was so protecting. Thank you God, for making him and letting me have him.
“When I look at you Nick, I see a great guy. Do you know that?” I said almost in tears, “I see a boy that I don’t deserve . Your so well off and you know how to treat me the way I want to be treated. You know exactly how I want to be loved.”
“When I hear you say that Bre, it only wants to make me love you more. But that’s not possible and I don’t care if I do get hurt in the end I don’t care if I don’t get you because whoever does must be one hell of a guy,” he stated.
“Then you sir, will be one hell of a guy,” I said softly running my hand up and down his chest.
“I already realized that the first time we were together, especially tonight,” he smiled running his hand through my hair.
“I knew he’d make the right choice,” Brian smiled.
“I got to hand it to you Bri I was wrong about you and him. He really has come a long way and so has she,” AJ sighed.
“I just hope it’s a guy gets the girl ending for him, or he’ll be crushed,” Brian said wearily.
“Something inside me is saying we haven’t seen the last of her, and neither as he. Your ending might just come true,” AJ smiled.
They both walked away to their rooms.
That night was probably one pivotal nights of my life, I had decided where I was going from that point on, in a new direction. Like Kevin had said, it wasn’t life altering, but it showed me my options and force fed me all the stuff I didn’t want to hear. I realized then, I was truly, honestly loved...like I once was.
Back to Tulsa: A Love and Hate Story
Chapter 36
Mail the Author Breon2000@aol.com