Nick helped me finish packing, it was Friday. We were leaving in an hour to drive to New York. The train would have been much more efficient but there was too much fear of being noticed. I grabbed some shirts from my closet and turned around. Nick stood grinning, holding a pair of black lace panties and a bra.

“Black lace?” he laughed arching up his eyebrow.

“Gimme those!” I smiled rolling my eyes and turning red.

“No,” he said holding them up so I couldn’t reach them, “We’ll just have to take these...I’d like to see them on you,” he grinned slyly.

I pushed him down on the edge of my bed and straddled him, “You won’t if you don’t give them to me,” I said into his ear, licking it lightly.

He quickly gave them up to kiss me harder but I just pulled away and put them back in my drawer laughing.

“God I have you on a short leash...and I like it,” I grinned.

He picked me up and put me on the bed as he grabbed the bra and panties again, “It’s the other way around sweetie, and we’re bringing these.”

“Nick when will we possibly have time for that sort of thing?” I asked.

He moved on top of me and started to kiss my jaw line then down to my neck,” When we get to my house.”

I went to protest but he started kissing and sucking lightly at my pulse point and I elicited a moan. I quickly tried to push him off and started to laugh, “Stop that, your making me cave in.”

He just laughed pushing me back onto my bed.

* * * Isaac had woke up with Liz in her bed that morning and it felt so right. The night before they had made love in the most passionate way and everything was just feeling so right again. He had left all his things in the car so he wouldn’t have to get so much ready in the morning and be rushing so much. Liz had been sitting in the living room for a while, while Ike got ready. When she never came in to see him in her room or pack her things he went downstairs to get her.

“Lizzy, baby we have to leave in five minutes to go get Nick and Bre, c’mon,” he sighed walking into the living room.

He stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened as he saw her crying on the couch. He sat near her and wrapped her in his arms.

“Liz, Lizzy what’s the matter?” he asked calmly.

“I can’t do this,” she cried into his shoulder.

“Do what sweetie?”

“I...I can’t go with you. I tried to talk my mom into coming home but she wont and I can’t leave my dad. I’m, I’m sorry Ike,” she sobbed.

He just held her and kissed her lightly.

“Baby that’s OK, don’t worry. I’ll be back soon, trust me. I know you have things you need to do,” he soothed.

She kissed him and smiled, “God I love you, just go and get out of here so you can get back here.”

He smiled and pulled her up with him as they walked to the door.

“I’ll be back, I love you babes,” he smiled, “At least I will have last night to tempt me back.”

They both laughed hard and hugged again.

“I’ll give you more of that hot lovin’ if you hurry back.”

He kissed her passionately as he walked to the car. As he pulled away she waved and closed the door.

“What did I do to deserve him?” she wondered to herself.

* * * We had pulled into New York later in the afternoon and were able to dodge traffic. Ike had dropped off the rental car at a rent-a-car and a limo picked us up taking us to the hotel. Ike had a room all ready to go for Nick and I. The others didn’t know about us so we were down a different wind go the floor they were on. Ike had the key delivered to the back where the limo dropped us off and where we could get in safely. Once inside Ike left in a different direction then we did, wishing me luck...and boy was I going to need it.

* * * I fell onto the bed in our hotel suite and Nick fell next to me taking me in his arms.

“Ahh, this feels good,” he smiled kissing me, “Let’s just lay like this forever.”

“I wish we could baby,” I grinned back, “Hey there’s one plus to being here only a day, at least we don’t have to unpack.

He laughed lightly, “Yeah, so do you wanna go get something to eat? Or take care of ‘it’ first?”

“God I don’t even know. My eye still hurts like hell, so I have a headache but I think the headaches from not knowing what to say to Tay.”

He just looked at me, “Baby I wish I could help you with this but you have to talk with him on your own.”

“I know,” I sighed standing up and walking to the mirror.

I straightened the short green dress I had on and slipped back on my high sandals walking to the door.

“And that’s what I am going to do right now,” I said walking out of the door before he could say another word.

I walked down the hall, my palms sweating and body shaking. Isaac had told me Tay’s room number. I walked up to it and let out a heavy sigh. I knocked and no one answered. I thought maybe he was sleeping so I turned the knob to see if it was un-locked. The door pushed open and I heard talking, it was Ike’s voice. I quietly closed the door and listened for a minute.

“That’s why my lip is all messed up, cause’ when Nick and Bre came over Nick and I got in a fight, and that’s when I accidentally hit Bre. Anyway, Liz didn’t come because she had to stay with her father...” I heard Ike tell.

Silently I walked closer to the doorway of the room. As I peered in I saw all of them, Lynn, Zac, Ike and Taylor. A feeling came over me, a feeling of love that I knew shouldn’t have come over me. Suddenly I heard Ike silence and I felt all four sets of eyes on me...but I was only looking into one. That one pair looked like oceans of sadness and distress, I just stood there still shaking. I knew that everyone had something to say, but the question was, were they going to be brave enough to say it? Isaac was the first to get up and leave, smiling gently at me. A wave of relief washed over me, but just as quickly washed back out to sea. Lynn then stood up and Zac followed. I watched as she walked over to me, pain and anger on her face.

“Bitch,” she said loudly as she pushed me lightly out of the way.

She and Zac left the room, letting the words sting me. Tears fell down my cheeks as I looked down at the ground, in shame. I didn’t even want to look at him. I was too confused. The pain I felt was a given but I didn’t think I was going to fell the love I was feeling towards him. To my surprise I felt a hand on my chin. His hand brought my face to meet his gaze and I looked deep into his eyes. His other hand held mine as his hand caressed me face. He led me to his bed and sat me down near him. I was sobbing un-controllably and he just sat there and watched. I wasn’t sure what he was feeling, hell I didn’t know what I was feeling at the moment. I thought he would push me away, yet all I felt was his arms wrap around me and his tears slide down my neck.

“What do I say? Where do we start or end? Tay, where do we go from here?” I cried looking into his eyes holding his hands.

“I, I don’t know,” he cried.

I had never seen him this way before. He was thinner then usual, and his face was white, his eyes a permanent red.

“Why’d you stop loving me Bre? I needed you in my life to survive, you knew that and didn’t care,” he said softly.

“I don’t know Tay. I still love you...”

“No,” he interjected, “You don’t. Your with Nick, Bre. You can’t love two people. You had to make a choice and you did. Your heart led you to him.”

“But, but when I walked into this room I felt love, I really did Tay,” I sighed crying.

“Bre I came to a decision, not an easy one, but I made one. We were in love and even if we still are it’s not going to matter. You and I, or at least you had other things in mind. The fact is I love you too much to hurt you. I’m not going to remind you how much you hurt me. If your happy, then I’ll be happy,” he cried.

I had never seen Tay in so much pain in my life, I had never seen him cry this much.

“No Tay, no. You are not happy, why are you doing this? It’s only making me feel worse!”

He just looked at me, “Answer me this. Is he here with you?”

“Yes,” I said softly.

“When you get done here where are you going? When are you leaving here?”

“We’re leaving tomorrow and going...to...his...parents house,” I said slower.

I caught onto what he was saying.

“You love him,” he said standing up and walking away from me, “I gave my heart to you and I have it crushed. I have never felt this much pain and I still love you. But see you and I are different. I can’t lie to you, keep things from you...I can’t hurt you.”

Tears ran down my cheeks, “I’m sorry,” I said meekly.

“No your not,” he retorted, “I’m not trying to contradict everything you say, but your just lying. Your not sorry, Bre you are in love. Not with me, with Nick. Your happy and you don’t regret anything that you’ve done. See I’ve had time to talk this through with myself. I’ve been the one going through hell and emotional pain as far as the eyes can see. You probably came here with a whole speech planned out but the fact is I don’t want to hear it. Your probably killing inside, wondering why I am like this. You probably have un-answered questions and a feeling of knives, thousands of knives stabbing you in the back and heart. Your feeling now how I have been feeling the last month. Honey, you may have left, but damn don’t talk about being sorry, cause’ baby doll you ain’t and never will be,” he said walking closer, “And if you are then OK well, your loss.”

I just looked at him with hurt filled eyes, all that I knew I deserved came flowing at me. I didn’t even know what to say.

“So this is it?” I said standing up and walking near him.

He shook his head in agreement and I just turned to walk away. He quickly grabbed my arm and spun me into his arms. I felt his lips press onto mine and I just let it happen. I let his hands run up my back and mine through his hair. Our tongues danced together for the last time. When we pulled away he wiped away my tears.

“Just because it’s over don’t think that I don’t love you. Don’t think that I will stop loving you, I never will. Your happy that’s all that matters,” he smiled slightly.

“But your not happy,” I said running my hand down his face.

He took it away and looked at me, “You should have thought about that before you made me loose your trust,” he said, “I’m sorry that this is how it ends, I really thought you would have been a happy ending.”

I just turned towards the door and looked back.

“All good things come with a price,” I sighed to him.

“No, see that’s where you’re wrong. All good things come with a price, BUT we were something amazing. And amazing things are priceless. Make him treat you right like I would have,” he said as he gently pushed me out the door.

I fell to the ground and ran my hand through my hair crying harder.

“Love bites,” I yelled as I stood up, “And why was Tay so right about everything?”

I just shook my head and pushed it back against the wall.

* * * I felt like running to Nick, knowing I would receive comfort and care. The option was useless unless I talked to Lynn and Zac first, which I had a feeling, wasn’t going to be easy. I knocked on their door waiting for an answer. When I saw Lynn open the door I shuddered with fear. The look in her eyes was cold and un-inviting.

“Hi can we talk?” I said helplessly.

“If it’s about you or your skank boy then no,” she said in a cold tone.

I held the door back with my arm.

“If you don’t stop holding this door that eye’s going to get blacker,” she warned.

“I don’t care, just as long as I can apologize,” I pleaded.

I saw Zac motion for her to let me in and I walked in slowly. I felt Zac give me a hug and I lightly responded back.

“Why the hell do all three of you find pity on her?” Lynn asked in disbelief, “She’s a lying, manipulative, snotty, stuck up whore that pretends to care about people and then drops them an instant.”

The words hurt, but I wasn’t denying them. Zac gave an evil glare at Lynn.

“Stop that,” he yelled at her.

“No Zac, Lynn’s right,” I protested.

They both looked at me.

“I’ll make it short. I just wanted to apologize for not saying anything and making you all worry. I was just to scared. My heart was leading me elsewhere and I don’t regret it. The fact is I’m in love. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I had to make a choice. If you don’t want to be part of this choice I understand,” I sighed.

“I could give a fuck about who your in love with,” Lynn growled, “Bre the fact is you lied to me. We were like sisters and you kept a hidden life from me. When I found that out I felt betrayed. I felt as if my own sister couldn’t tell me something. We were always so open and then all of a sudden I felt slapped in the face. Like reality hit, boom! ‘Sorry Lynn you don’t have a best friend or sister anymore.’”

I just shook my head with tears, “Do you have any idea how hard it would be and is for me to tell you this? Lynn I couldn’t tell you. I know you better than anyone and you would have told Zac and then Tay would find out. And don’t lie you would tell him...” I sighed, “I couldn’t afford Tay finding out, I wasn’t ready for him to know yet.”

Lynn just looked at me with hurt, “But I have always been there and then you just stopped me and it wasn’t fair.”

“I know, I know that already. I should have told you but I didn’t and I don’t expect you to forgive me...ever, but I don’t regret anything.”

I noticed Zac had left into the bathroom, knowing Lynn and I needed to be alone.

“But you chose your boyfriend over me! I can’t forgive that!” she yelled.

“You did too!” I yelled back, “Lynn if I told you, you would have chose Zac over me. We are both to blame.”

She stood up and screamed punching the wall. The door to the bathroom opened and Zac peered out making sure everything was all right.

“What is happening to us Bre? We used to promise we would always be there and now we aren’t,” she sighed.

“We grew up, we’re in love. When we were younger friendship and love mattered. Now love has a new meaning and relationships are more important, sucks huh?” I sighed.

We both sat down next to each other and didn’t say a word. Silence was always golden.

“So I guess what we do now is more on, huh?” Lynn sighed heavily.

I nodded, “To better things, grown up lives.”

I began to walk to the door.

“Hey when you get married will I still get to be the bridesmaid?” I asked grinning.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. We may go our separate ways, but time will bring us back, you know it will,” she laughed lightly.

I smiled as I left the room, “God has a funny way of making you feel funny things.”

* * * Nick had taken me out to a beautiful dinner and finally I felt burden free. He could tell just by the way I acted and we both enjoyed ourselves more then ever. We laid in bed just staring in each others eyes.

“Do you regret this?” he asked seriously.

“Not in the least. You brought so much into my life that I never knew a person could. Baby I love you, too much to care about anything,” I smiled.

He kissed me and stroked my face, “I can’t wait for my parents to meet you. Their going to love you, but not nearly as much as I do.”

I smiled and sighed as I closed my eyes. Even after he feel asleep I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure why but I just wasn’t tired. I crept out of bed and quietly grabbed my notebook out of my bag. I figured I’d go down to the lobby and write for a little.

* * * When I got down there it was silent and nice. I settled down into a comfortable couch towards the corner where the person at the desk couldn’t see me. I put my pen to the paper and began etching my thoughts thoroughly. My pen slid across the page as I felt a hand on my bare shoulder. I had a tube top on with a pair of pajama bottom and the skin of the hand was cold. I was so scared I let out a gasp. When I looked over to see who was sitting near me I was more shocked.

“Tay? What are you doing down here, it’s late,” I yelled in a whisper.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” he grinned.

“I couldn’t sleep so I came down here to write.”

“Want some company?” he offered.

I smiled, “Yeah I’d like that.”

“So what are you writing about?”

“Well I started a poem, it’s not turning out so hot though. Nick gave me this note with amazing lyrics of Celine Dion’s today at dinner and they moved me to tears in the restaurant. I mean everything was so perfect, he took me to this beautiful place. He was so nice and the way he gave it to me with a rose, I was just so happy tonight. He made me trouble free, he always makes me happy though.”

I had closed my eyes while I was gushing out my perfect night and quickly opened them back up. I felt awful that I said what I had in front of Tay.

“I’m, I’m sorry Tay I shouldn’t have said...” I began softly.

“No, no don’t be sorry. That’s nice that you guys had fun. Can I read the lyrics?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said handing him the paper.

It felt good to be like this with him, he seemed into helping me and just talking. I was a little taken back by confusion but also more so happiness. I watched as he read the note, it was short but meaningful to me.

I want you to need me like the air you breath, I want you to feel me in everything, I want you to see me in your every dream. they way that I taste you, feel you, breath you, need you. I want you to need me, like I need you.

I saw the sadness build up a little in him but then a smile appear on his face.

“I’ve heard this song before, it’s so beautiful. I’d seriously write anything back but there’s this one part in the song, if you want to write it down, that goes like this...”

I quickly picked up my pen and wrote as he sang.

“Cause’ I need you, more then you could know, and I need you to never, never let me go. And I need to be deep inside your heart, I just want to be everywhere you are,” he sang.

His voice made chills go up and down my spine. I dropped the pen in amazement and looked at him.

“Tay...tha...that’s perfect,” I said softly, “Thank you.”

“He really loves you, really loves you Bre. If you can’t be with me I am SO glad that you found him. Most importantly though, you love him so of course that verse would be perfect.”

I saw a tear roll down his cheek and I wiped it away.

“I know that you told me I can’t love two people,” I smiled at him my hand still on his face, “But you still own a place in my heart, I still love you Tay.”

He shook his head, “I know and that's what keeps me going.”

I smiled, “You know you sitting with me made me happy and content. Thanks.”

“Me too,” he smiled.

“But you never answered me, why did you come down here?” I asked.

“I saw you walk out of your room and you looked alone and lost. It hurt me to see you like that so I came to save you,” he smiled standing up.

I watched as he pulled me up and kissed me one last passionate time.

“Just remember Bre, remember us. You jump, and I will be right behind you,” he smiled walking away.

I remembered that we always used to quote Titanic with the ‘you jump, I jump’ quote. I remembered it all so clearly now, and it satisfied me that he remembered too. There was so much I wanted to say, but nothing came out...nothing but a smile and a sigh of relief.
Back to Tulsa: A Love and Hate Story
Chapter 42
Mail the Author Breon2000@aol.com