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Nick just looked at Kayla and smiled. How am I suppose to explain to her that I actually think she is beautiful, more then a best friend to me, he wondered to himself. As she began to eat her cereal he followed, the both just smiled.
“So you can ask me whatever you want,” she said sipping her orange juice. “But first where did everyone go? My first day here and I am stuck with you,” she joked.
He just smiled, “Brian went to go pick up Leigh-Anne and Kevin went do go get Kirsten. AJ went to his house to hang out with his new girlfriend Kim and Howie went home to visit his family. Howie won’t be back until the Millennium party, you know about that right?” he asked.
“Yeah I do. So why aren’t you with Mandy?” she asked curiously. “You don’t need to baby-sit me you know, it’s not like the baby’s going to pop out,” she laughed, “It’s only the first month.”
“Um...well...Mandy and I are over,” he said in a toneless voice.
“Why? Nick you were like madly in love with her, what happened?” she asked.
“I’ll tell you, once you tell me what happened, why your here. I mean Brian explained it all, Aubrey taking the condom off, and then your friends and parents abandoning you. But how do you feel?”
“How do you think Nick? I mean really. I am upset, but part of me is excited. It’s like God did this to me for a reason, maybe he thinks that this is going to come out perfect, and something great will happen...I just don’t know it yet,” she smiled. “Of course I have regrets, about having sex, dating and leaving Aub, and actually being friends with the people I thought were my ‘friends’. Plus, I mean my mother, I don’t hate her, but I mean I am not exactly happy with her either, it’s just weird. I mean I’m just glad I have y’all,” she smiled a little.
“Well you can always count on me. I mean I always knew that Aubrey was bad news...I had a feeling that he wasn’t the guy everyone thought he was, I should have said something,” Nick said shaking his head in shame.
“Nick, don’t blame me being pregnant on you, you didn’t do anything. I wouldn’t have believed you anyway, I was way to in love with Aubrey.”
“Why do you still have his picture near your bed if you don’t love him? How can you bare to look at him when he treats you this way?” he asked.
“Why? Simply because I still love him to a point. I mean no matter what happened, I spent my teenage years with him. I will never forget what we had, I can never fully move on from that relationship...I mean I’m having his baby aren’t I?”
Nick just shook his head in agreement, he never thought of it that way. They continued to eat in silence for a few minutes.
“So what happened with Mandy and you? I explained my horror story now tell me yours,” she laughed.
He didn’t seem very happy or enthused by the question, scared almost. “I wasn’t in love with Mandy,” he said firmly.
“Yes you were, the way you looked at her, they way you loathed her,” she laughed again.
“NO I wasn’t Kayla,” he protested, “I was...in love with you,” he said meekly.
She choked on her cereal and quickly snapped back, “You what? Nick your not funny, don’t play games.”
“You think I’m playing games? How’s this for a story! Kayla I’ve known you since you were 12! I was a 15 year old boy in a band and when I saw you I fell head over heels. Once you kept on growing up I only became more fascinated by you. The way you walk, the way you always do that thing with your glasses, the way your hair just sits right, the way you always look at things. I never said anything because you were with Aub and so happy at that. I went out with Mandy to try and conceal my feelings better. Now that he’s out of your life I want to move in. I want to be there for you and your child. I want to tell you that I love you...but this wasn’t the how I wanted it to be done...” he trailed off.
She could easily detect the hurt in his eyes.
“Nick...” she began not exactly sure how to word what she was about to say, “Sweetie, when I first met you I thought that you were a cute and cool guy to hang with. I’ll admit there were a few feelings, but not head over heels. I was also with Aub, I loved him and although you felt those feelings...I didn’t. I’m extremely flattered, trust me, and I wish I could say that I loved you like that, but I just loved you as a big brother. Now that Aub’s gone I have been starting to put my feelings into perspective, which has been a damn hard chore. But I just don’t know what to say to you. I’m sorry. Nick I have feelings for you but I don’t exactly know how to go about them yet...” she sighed.
Kayla could see the tears in his eyes and she knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“I’m sorry Nicky Poo’s...it’s just too soon for me to say anything to you, please,” Kayla begged.
“Just leave me alone all right!” he yelled getting up and running up to his room.
He was acting like a child, not the 19 year old man he was, but she couldn’t blame him. Our 10 am breakfast soon turned into a 1 pm fight fest. Kayla just ran to her room and closed the door not wanting to face him. She picked up my phone and dialed an all too familiar number. She don’t know why she was going to put herself through this, but she just felt like she needed to.
“Hello?” Aub answered.
“H...Hi Aub, it’s Kay,” he said meekly.
Nick stood outside her door. His heart tore as he heard her say Aub’s name. Part of him wanted to just curl into a ball, but he stayed and listened to her conversation...he wanted to know what was going on because obviously she wasn’t telling him.
“What do you want Kay? Carisma and I are a little busy right now,” he moaned.
“I was just calling to tell you that I moved in with my cousin Brian and Kevin, you know the Backstreet Boys...Mom threw me out when she found out I was pregnant,” she sighed almost in tears.
“Kay I don’t care! God LEAVE ME ALONE!! I don’t care about you, the baby, or who the hell your with. You dumped me, remember?!” he yelled.
That was all it took to make the tears come flowing.
“Yeah, well you made me pregnant! You hurt me in so many more ways then imaginable! I trusted my heart with you and you ruined it, you broke it! Aub I had to break up with you, I couldn’t trust you anymore!” Kayla cried.
“Then why the hell are you callin’ me Kay? Just go away!” he growled.
“You can’t say that you don’t love me, or that you don’t care about me! You just can’t Aub!” she cried harder.
“Hell yes I can! If you didn’t dump me I would be there for you, but you messed up!”
“Would everyone stop telling me I messed up! Your no saint either! I need you Aub, I can’t do this without you!”
“Jesus H. Christ Kayla, YES YOU CAN! And if you can’t then, shit to you, because I don’t care!”
Nick didn’t understand why she was doing this to herself, it made no sense. She had so many other people who wanted to be there for her. But then he thought about it more, the one person that really should be there is the father, and he’s not...he just couldn’t stand seeing her in pain, even if she didn’t love him.
“Aub I love you!” she weeped.
“No you don’t! I don’t love you, I don't care about you! End of story, I don’t give a fuck Kay!”
“No, no you have to love me! You have to care about me, you do, you do Aub!” she begged.
“Well I don’t! So end it, I HATE you Kay!”
Her heart sank further in her chest and she boiled inside. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hurt and anger.
“Well fine! I just called to say that I found someone new! I love Nick Carter and he loves me! I’ve had feelings for him since I was 12! All through our relationship and he actually wants to be this baby’s father! So forget you Aub!” she yelled.
Suddenly both ends of the line went silent.
“You what?!” Aub yelled, “Then why the fuck did you call me to begin with?”
She just stared straight and then pulled the phone from her ear. She couldn’t believe she just admitted what she did. Deep down inside she knew she loved Nick, but she also wasn’t sure if she did or not. Her feelings were to jumbled up to know anything. She didn’t want anyone to know, especially Nick, because she didn’t want to break his heart.
“I...I...good-bye,” she cried slamming down the phone on the receiver.
Nick just looked at the door, only imagining what he just heard. He was even more confused at the moment, but also more immensely happy then he had ever been. Slowly he opened the door and saw Kay laying on her bed, her eyes squinted together tight with tears everywhere. He closed the door silently, she never heard him come in. She was too busy crying to hear him. He carefully turned on her stereo and put on, “I’ll Be There For You,” by the Moffatts. As the music started Kayla just sat up shocked and watched the act unfold before her.
Nick began to play air guitar and sing the ‘na na na’s’ in the beginning of the song.
I hate to see you lookin like your lost and lonely
It isn’t easy when your all by yourself, don’t you worry,
I hear you, cause I know what it’s like,
And if you look you’ll find,
I got you on my mind
I’ll be there for you, when you need somebody,
I’ll be there for you, when you want someone who cares,
When your down and feelin blue,
I’ll be there, I’ll be there for you,
When you call me I’ll be there...
She laughed as Nick still pretended to play the guitar, he was actually singing and it surprised her how good he sounds since he was in fits of laughter the whole time. She never realized that he took away her frown and she was laughing. She got up and began to dance around the room as he sang more ‘na na na’s’. He stopped for a second and then pretended to change guitars. She laughed harder as he switched the song to “Girl Of My Dreams” and started singing again. This time he got more into it and sat her down at the edge of the bed. He got on his knees and looked her in the eyes.
Without you in my arms, I’m holdin back all of the tears,
Without you in my life, I’ll never be satisfied...
You are the girl of my dreams, in my heart I believe,
You are the girl of my dreams,
Baby, Of my dreams
He stopped singing and then turned down the music. He walked back over to her and sat next to her, their faces inches apart. Slowly he brought his closer and lightly grazed his lips over hers. She was to shocked at first to say anything. He pulled away for a minute, then realizing she didn’t say anything he kissed her again, but this time he put more emphasis into it. Suddenly she shot up and just looked at him.
“No Nick, I...I don’t love you, I’m sorry...just go away,” she said with tears in her eyes.
“What? Kay I just sand those songs? You...you told Aub you loved me, I made you smile...you let me kiss you!” he protested.
“Nick I just said that to Aub because I was angry and you made me smile because you were acting like the Moffatts. I’m sorry Nick...please, just go,” she begged softly.
He got up and looked into her eyes, “I know your lying to me Kay, you can’t do this to me,” he said leaving the room more upset then before.
“Shit!” she yelled as she slammed her door, hearing Nick’s slam a few seconds after hers.
Brian and Leigh-Anne walked in while Kay was fighting with Aub on the phone, they also saw Nick at her door. They had heard Nick sing, the silence of the kiss, and the anger protruding afterwards.
“Brian...” Leigh said quietly with saddened eyes.
“Want me to take Nick?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’ll go see Kayla,” she sighed.
Leigh-Anne knocked on Kayla’s door.
“Nick STOP IT! I told you I didn’t love you, everything’s too soon, stop pressuring it!” she yelled.
“Honey it’s Leigh-Leigh!” Leigh-Anne yelled back.
Kayla jumped off her bed and flung open the door, “Oh my God, Leigh-Leigh!” she screamed as she pulled her into her arms.
“Hi Kay Bear,” Leigh smiled, “Can we talk?”
Kayla nodded her head and closed the door as Leigh got comfortable on her bed. Kayla sat down next to her and then just laid her head on her shoulder.
“I’m guessing you know about everything, me being pregnant and all,” Kayla sighed.
“Yes, Bri told me to whole story honey. You know that I will take you to the Gyno and everything, please don’t be scared. It will be a new experience for the both of us. Let’s just think of me as your fill in mom,” she smiled.
“Thanks Leigh-Leigh,” she smiled.
“Your welcome, now I want to talk about what Brian and I witnessed downstairs.”
“Oh God...” Kayla trailed off, “Where did you walk in?”
“We heard the end of your convo with Aub and then from there on with Nick,” she sighed stroking Kayla’s hair, “I’m guessing he told you the truth.”
“Yeah but Leigh...I...I...I don’t know if I love him. I told him I have some kind of feelings for him...but I mean I don’t know what they are. I am going through SO much right now it’s crazy. I mean I think it was wrong of him to throw that on me now. I told Aub that because I was mad,” she lied in a way. The truth was, she really didn’t know if she loved Nick, but she didn’t really tell Aub that because she was mad.
“Sweetie it’s OK, but Nick telling you now was the best. We all agreed he should, that’s why Brian came and got me. What if he told you later on? He wanted to tell you know so he could be there for you now.”
Kayla just looked at Leigh-Anne for a minute, “The truth is, I don’t know if I want him to. I just want him to leave me alone for a little. You know? I just want space from him, and living in the same house isn’t helping.”
“Well, he will be staying here and so will you, but you can avoid each other all you want...nothings going to be solved though.”
“I don’t care at this point Leigh,” she sighed.
“OK, sweetie, it’s all right,” she said letting Kayla continue to cry on her.
“God B-Rok I really fucked this one up,” Nick sighed tears still streaming down his face.
“All I can say is that she is under a lot and I mean A LOT of pressure right now. Nick I know she has some sort of feelings, she told you and she’s told me, but let her sort them out first. And just leave her alone.”
“That won’t be hard, considering I have nothing to say to her, how can see just toss me like this?” Nick said getting angry. Brian patted his back, “Give it time and space. We’re having the Millennium New Year’s Eve party in two days, so maybe something will be cleared by then.”
“Whatever,” Nick sighed heavily.
Back to Tulsa: A Love and Hate Story
Part 6